Unique Not Written Gym Rules We All WISH Were Posted

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The Gym Rules We All WISH Were Posted

Yo gym rats out there. Do you ever read gym rules? The ubiquitous “rules” posted in every gym? Those rules are SO lame. “Wear proper attire, wipe down the equipment, pick up after yourself, be considerate of others, blah blah blah blah”. Those of us who actually aren’t rude hogs have a few different rules we’d like to see posted.

For example gym rule number…

If you’re hogging the last treadmill during prime workout time, at least TRY to outpace the dead snail laying on the sidewalk outside the window. Better yet just go back to your apartment and walk around your living room. What is the treadmill really doing for you that your carpet and an egg timer can’t do anyway?

If you’re going to take a shower, let someone else use it first. If you’ve got a full-length mirror, then you should probably get dressed before taking off all your clothes so you don’t look like a total idiot.

And before that if you’re using the bathroom, please don’t flush anything other than toilet paper. 

I would suggest this rule:

Don’t be a douchebag.

There’s nothing wrong with being friendly or helpful, but when people are trying to work out they want to focus on their workout not some random person standing next to them. It also makes it harder for those people to concentrate because they have to worry about whether or not they will offend someone by saying hi.

If you must text or talk on the phone while working out, please do not sit on the machine I’m waiting for to do it. And try to keep your voice just a few decibels below the max volume on my ipod. Thanks.

It’s fine to bring your brats if you need to. I have a couple so I know what it’s like. But please ask them not to swing from the tricep rope like an ugly monkey so I don’t’ have to. And if you’re gonna let them use the equipment, show them how to use it correctly. Which does not involve finding out how hard and fast they can go on the elliptical before lift-off.

See Also

And if it’s a small gym with only two TVs and you have the only remote stuck down your shorts, at least have the courtesy to turn your TV’s volume down just enough so I don’t have to hear the Antique Road Show in stereo with Rascal Flatts.

Oh yeah. If you’re going to wear those stupid sweatpants that say “I’m too cool for this” then at least make sure they cover your butt cheeks. Or better yet, put some pants on.

And Lastly

Lastly, and this one’s for Rob, if you’re taking an INDOOR spinning class, leave the cycling shoes, yellow jersey, and Elton John shorts at home. Even better, just stay home! Or go ride in the street on Mercer Island so Rusty and I can come along and knock you 10 feet to the right ON to that thing called a bike path!

Put this new rulebook in your bags for gym today and together let’s effect great change! YES WE CAN!

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